FRIENDSHIP

A topic with as many viewpoints as stars in the sky…

Incidentally, one of my close friends suggested that I should write on “wonder-fool” Friends. I immediately warmed up to the idea.

How does one define ‘Friends’?

Oh, tell me about it, it can be very easy or very complicated.

Millennials, senior citizens, and we in between, will have our own definitions. The meaning will also differ with gender.

Let us start with the cliché – a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Not necessarily, a friend might not be able to help you at a given point of time (for some ‘n’ number of reasons) but does that mean that he/she doesn’t care for you? On the other hand, if some lesser-known person extends help, chances are that you will end up as good friends.

Now is the time to ponder on terms like acquaintance, friends, good friends, and best friends. Can you categorize your social group as per these? You will say, why categorize? To that I say, it helps you prioritize and optimize your involvement. It helps you keep your expectations, and hence your effort, balanced. Someone said – “I don’t have one best friend; I have many who relate to different parts of my life. It is a working system and they are all equally important.”

One can have friends from school or college (buddies). People who have moved cities usually have more friends, because they tend to be more social. Or is it possible that too many changes can make a person insecure, and hence an introvert? There is an inherent need to be accepted amongst the new group, which can lead to either kind of reaction.

One can have friends from office and/or the community they live in. Also, parents of kids in similar age group tend to automatically come close (because of shared interests in that stage of life). Usually, these friendships are difficult to maintain over a long period of time, especially if one of them changes job, shifts to a different community, changes school, etc.

So, are you a person with a few ‘friends’ or are you a person with a big social group? I think, the preferences also change with age, because one tends to move from quantity to quality. Is friendship dependent on success factors (as understood differently by each)? Before, you say ‘No’ – please sit back and reflect on some of your ‘friendships’ and how they have changed over the years. Is the equation dependent on geographical factors? Again, I will say ‘yes’ because eventually, these friendships fade. One tends to find people with whom things can be shared on regular basis and time spent on a more consistent basis. Living in the same city and same circumstances gives you more reasons for a long chat.

Let me remind you, that when I say Friendship – I am referring to a period of 20-30 years (may be more), with the same understanding and excitement. Yes, I have seen some last that long. When you meet after ages, but start from where you left.

Personally, to me it is very important to connect at an intellectual level, brain over heart. While I can strike a conversation with anyone, I cannot carry it on for a very long time, if I am unable to be at the same mental platform as other. Call me arrogant or choosy, but it’s a lesson learnt over a period. More than anything else, the bond between two friends depends a lot on the similarity in thought process. Even our childhood friends seem to get automatically filtered with changing priorities. Also, the effort must be almost same from both ends, as a one-sided thing fizzles and is not so deep, it then becomes an acquaintance. I think a friend is someone, with whom you can be your truest self, and share with no filter and inhibitions. You can reach them at any time of the day, without thinking twice (2 a.m. friends as some of you call them).

As someone said:

“I don’t have a type,

If we vibe, you are my tribe.”

Even with my set of reservations, I am very lucky to have some very very good friends whom I can count on my fingers and can bank on. You can always find your ‘tribe’, and when you do find it, value it.

It is inevitable to mention two iconic TV shows – Friends and The Big Bang Theory. They are very entertaining and at some point, relatable. They also teach us a lot about maintaining friendships and overlooking stumbles. While ‘Friends’ is about 6 people with very different personalities and backgrounds, TBBT is more about ‘Birds of a Feather Flock Together’. Both talk about ignoring negatives of Friends and focusing on the positives. In the end, it should be worth it all. And that is when it stands the test of time.

How about friendships that strike on/through social media? How often and how long do they last?

There seems to be a shift in paradigm, from ‘More the Merrier’ to ‘the number doesn’t matter.’

What is an ideal situation?

A person with a set of all kinds of friends – outgoing, quiet, chilled, serious, dreamy, practical, adventurous, cautious etc. etc. Do you want to pick and choose according to your mood that day?

Or is it that, a ‘friend’ is someone who fits in all these shoes and manages to attune herself/himself to your emotional needs?

In truth, there is no ideal situation! It is an individual perspective and something unique to each one of us.

But yes, I do believe in, Har ek Friend Zaroori Hota Hai 😊